I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
