Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Drunk is a universal language darling
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize