he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
