Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
