dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Drunk walkin through police station. America
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
