Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i love accidental penises.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
