I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
