Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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