no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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