The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
