if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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