I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
