I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
