i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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