she woke up with a sticky ear
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Boobs are out for the taking
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
