OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
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no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
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I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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