She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
