All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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