All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Randomize
