11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
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you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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