I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
