well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
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Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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