Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
