Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
