I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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