doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
