i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
