Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
This is classic penis vs brain.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
