thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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