i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
