apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
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I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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