I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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