I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
