Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The cops high fived after they tackled you
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize