I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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