So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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