Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
