im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
