i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
