I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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