Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
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I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
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I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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