Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
