I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
