i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
