is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
