Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
there is glitter all over my balls
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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