i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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