Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
