I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
