i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize