filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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