please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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