the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
