Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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