it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
