bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
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Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
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My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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