btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
