I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
