just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
