Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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