obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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