wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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