Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
