i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
