That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
