Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I had to cum in my sink.
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