This dress was meant to end up on your floor
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
