did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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